#Screenwriting #Satire
Why You Should Enjoy Script Spankings
by Amy Rhinehart Bailey
You don’t have to pay leather-clad, whip-carrying women who spank people for money in order to get the thorough beating that you and your latest screenplay deserve.
But, you ask, where can I get worthwhile input and vigorous discipline? I’m not going to lie to you, this is what we in the South call a “booger” of a problem, but I’m going to try and help you sneeze it out as best I can.
On April 1st of 2011, the Muse, who is usually doing ballet or break-dancing on my forehead, forgot to take her Prozac. Then with a sadistic giggle, she tip-toed into my ear -and in a moment of psychotic enthusiasm - whispered that I should write a screenplay.
So, naive to all that lay before me, I read about 20 how-to screenwriting books as well as between 50 and 60 awesome movie scripts (available on the Web) and decided to give it a shot.
I challenged myself to a double-pinky-dare and seeing a deadline of an upcoming script contest, I decided to crank one out over Memorial Day weekend. Just to see if I actually could.
Well I somehow stuck everything I ever read or wrote into a mental blender and in three and a half days — I whipped that baby out and sent her off to be judged.
About a week or so later, I was innocently eating a spicy tuna roll at the sushi bar when my smart phone received an email scorecard from the contest.
I was ecstatic. Not only did I get 7s and 8s when I was hoping for 4s; after going over the fairly detailed notes, I could tell the reader had not only really really read my script, I’d be dad- gum if she didn’t understand my plot better than I did.
She also gave me constructive formatting criticism as well as ideas on pacing and character development. Yes even these little slaps on the hand were hard to accept at first. But I took them to heart none-the-less. And I was encouraged.
Sadly, my further quests for input on this script with contests and script consultants did not have happy endings. Most were little more than scanner readers (often of only the first ten pages) with hurried, shallow input and accompanied by a freakishly inaccurate synopsis.
Not to be thwarted, next I decided to take my time and I spent between two and three weeks writing the first draft of a script based on my published humor book.
Okay, this is where I have to stop and say that I am not trying to psyche out the majority of screenwriters who are spending two or three years writing a script that is beautiful, personal, and meaningful.
Thomas Harris spent ten years writing “Silence of the Lambs” and I’m not worthy to swab Tea Tree Oil on his toenail fungus.
I’m hyper (as in I don’t need caffeine, I “am” caffeine), I’m a journalist, and an advertising copywriter. Therefore I’ve been brain-washed and traumatized into doing all my creating in a big dang hurry.
And dollars-to-donuts, compared to your scripts, mine have the depth of a very shallow mud puddle.
Anyway … I finished my Romantic Comedy and read articles and surfed the Internet. And I found that what I was calling an editor, the film industry calls a “script coach.” These are not to be confused with book doctors and you need to be very very very careful choosing one.
A real script coach:
1) gives you input and editing advice but doesn’t write your script for you.
2) has at least eight years of specific (not general) industry experience - as in ten years working for Paramount in script acquisitions
3) will have you compose not just two or three story arcs, but make you grind out ten to twenty story arcs (or plot threads)
4) will write copious page by page notes on your script from everything from formatting issues to notations like “this just doesn’t work” or “this needs distilling”
5) will have minimal one hour phone sessions with you where you will feel like a freight train has been run through your brain
6) will charge anywhere from $200 to $1000 (depending on how you set up your edits and phone sessions) and will be darn well worth it
In a nutshell, these guys and gals are the real McCoy and they can save you years of banging your head against the wall.
But if you are ultra sensitive and can’t take a personal, creative script spanking- because your baby is just way too precious to you - then just chill and keep going at your own pace.
On the other hand, if you are willing to endure and embrace the pain, then you’ll end up a masochist like me - and start really, really enjoying it.
——————————
Check out Amy’s script website at: www.fishgutting.com
——————————
Read more screenwriting satire on TLL
#Screenwriting #Satire
Why You Should Enjoy Script Spankings
by Amy Rhinehart Bailey
You don’t have to pay leather-clad, whip-carrying women who spank people for money in order to get the thorough beating that you and your latest screenplay deserve.
But, you ask, where can I get worthwhile input and vigorous discipline? I’m not going to lie to you, this is what we in the South call a “booger” of a problem, but I’m going to try and help you sneeze it out as best I can.
On April 1st of 2011, the Muse, who is usually doing ballet or break-dancing on my forehead, forgot to take her Prozac. Then with a sadistic giggle, she tip-toed into my ear -and in a moment of psychotic enthusiasm - whispered that I should write a screenplay.
So, naive to all that lay before me, I read about 20 how-to screenwriting books as well as between 50 and 60 awesome movie scripts (available on the Web) and decided to give it a shot.
I challenged myself to a double-pinky-dare and seeing a deadline of an upcoming script contest, I decided to crank one out over Memorial Day weekend. Just to see if I actually could.
Well I somehow stuck everything I ever read or wrote into a mental blender and in three and a half days — I whipped that baby out and sent her off to be judged.
About a week or so later, I was innocently eating a spicy tuna roll at the sushi bar when my smart phone received an email scorecard from the contest.
I was ecstatic. Not only did I get 7s and 8s when I was hoping for 4s; after going over the fairly detailed notes, I could tell the reader had not only really really read my script, I’d be dad- gum if she didn’t understand my plot better than I did.
She also gave me constructive formatting criticism as well as ideas on pacing and character development. Yes even these little slaps on the hand were hard to accept at first. But I took them to heart none-the-less. And I was encouraged.
Sadly, my further quests for input on this script with contests and script consultants did not have happy endings. Most were little more than scanner readers (often of only the first ten pages) with hurried, shallow input and accompanied by a freakishly inaccurate synopsis.
Not to be thwarted, next I decided to take my time and I spent between two and three weeks writing the first draft of a script based on my published humor book.
Okay, this is where I have to stop and say that I am not trying to psyche out the majority of screenwriters who are spending two or three years writing a script that is beautiful, personal, and meaningful.
Thomas Harris spent ten years writing “Silence of the Lambs” and I’m not worthy to swab Tea Tree Oil on his toenail fungus.
I’m hyper (as in I don’t need caffeine, I “am” caffeine), I’m a journalist, and an advertising copywriter. Therefore I’ve been brain-washed and traumatized into doing all my creating in a big dang hurry.
And dollars-to-donuts, compared to your scripts, mine have the depth of a very shallow mud puddle.
Anyway … I finished my Romantic Comedy and read articles and surfed the Internet. And I found that what I was calling an editor, the film industry calls a “script coach.” These are not to be confused with book doctors and you need to be very very very careful choosing one.
A real script coach:
1) gives you input and editing advice but doesn’t write your script for you.
2) has at least eight years of specific (not general) industry experience - as in ten years working for Paramount in script acquisitions
3) will have you compose not just two or three story arcs, but make you grind out ten to twenty story arcs (or plot threads)
4) will write copious page by page notes on your script from everything from formatting issues to notations like “this just doesn’t work” or “this needs distilling”
5) will have minimal one hour phone sessions with you where you will feel like a freight train has been run through your brain
6) will charge anywhere from $200 to $1000 (depending on how you set up your edits and phone sessions) and will be darn well worth it
In a nutshell, these guys and gals are the real McCoy and they can save you years of banging your head against the wall.
But if you are ultra sensitive and can’t take a personal, creative script spanking- because your baby is just way too precious to you - then just chill and keep going at your own pace.
On the other hand, if you are willing to endure and embrace the pain, then you’ll end up a masochist like me - and start really, really enjoying it.
——————————
Check out Amy’s script website at: www.fishgutting.com
——————————
Read more screenwriting satire on TLL
NBC Orders Thirteen Episodes of ‘Hannibal’
Source: @slashfilm
#screenwriting #television #writer
“We still don’t know who will play the TV incarnation of Hannibal Lecter, but we do know that he won’t even have to deal with the traditional pilot stage that is part of a new television show’s road to airtime. NBC has given a thirteen-episode direct to series order to Hannibal, the show pitched by Bryan Fuller (Pushing Daisies) based on the character created by Thomas Harris and made famous thanks to Anthony Hopkins’ Oscar-winning performance in The Silence of the Lambs. Skipping the pilot stage was mentioned as a possibility when the show landed at NBC; evidently the network brass really liked Fuller’s ideas….”
