TLLjournal is proud to announce that The Writers Store is now an official sponsor of our logline contest! They’ve kindly offered up their Hollywood Screenwriting Directory to one of our finalist each contest. “With over 1,500 listings for Industry insiders from studios to independent financiers, the Hollywood Screenwriting Directory is the specialized resource you need for discovering where and how to sell your screenplay. Plus, it includes how-to instructions on script format, query letters, treatments, and log lines, so you can produce a professional submission.” Thanks guys!
Finalists, October/November, 2012
#3linesorless || #october #november || #finalists || #loglines
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The top seven prize-winning loglines are listed in order. The rest are listed randomly.
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Genre: Romantic Comedy
Logline: After catching her husband in a nursing home affair, an elderly woman embarks on a cross-country quest for sexual liberation—only to discover that getting laid isn’t as easy as it used to be. Based on an award-winning stage play by the screenwriter.
Screenplay title: Senior Moments
Accolades:
Winner/Rocky Mountain Theater Association Playwriting Festival for Shakespeare Inc.
Winner/Front Range Playwrights Showcase for Senior Moments
Selection/Playwrights Showcase of the Western Region for Postville
Written by: Donald R. Fried
Email: don@fried.cc
US Copyright Registration Number: 1-E0HDFJ
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Genre: Romantic Comedy
Logline: After being crushed by love, a geek transforms himself into a stud and creates a private club for confirmed bachelors designed to get women into bed. But one beautiful female who wants to be with him belongs to her own club. It’s designed to get men to commit.
Screenplay title: God’s Gift To Women
Accolades:
Preliminary Finalist/Creative World Awards for the screenplay, Triggers
Round Two Quarter Finalist/Page Awards for the screenplay, Triggers
Written by: Jacqueline Hicks
Email: cdnccc@yahoo.com
WGA Registration Number: 1617152
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Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: Running from failure, a gifted scholar opts for a family vacation in a virtual world that turns deadly….sabotaged by a twisted, dream programmer.
Screenplay title: Dream Vacation
Written by: Edward Leech
Email: eddiekabeddie@gmail.com
WGA Registration Number: VSYA8E87B96
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Genre: Comedy
Logline: A naïve teenager on the run from the law shacks up with seven middle aged men who live like hermits and harbor a deep seeded resentment of the Smurfs in this highly inappropriate take on the classic fairy tale.
Screenplay title: Snow What?
Written by: Steven Guggenheimer
Email: stevenguggenheimer@gmail.com
Registration Number: 1619967
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Genre: Supernatural Thriller
Logline: “Dexter” meets “Basic Instinct”; When a lonely, guilt-ridden werewolf falls hard for one of his beautiful redheaded victims, he must conquer his own murderous instincts to win her love. But a second mysterious killer with his same M.O may literally kill his only chance at happiness.
Screenplay title: Seeing Red
Accolades:
First Place/Rhode Island/RIIFF (Oscar-accredited festival)
First Place/California Independent Film festival
Finalist/Page Awards, Austin, StoryPros, Cinestory, Bluecat
Written by: Sundae Jahant-Osborn
Email: wysiwygprod@compuserve.com
WGA Registration Number: 1579249
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Genre: Drama
Logline:A blind cab driver in Detroit battles a lawyer from the Department of Motor Vehicles to keep his license so he can continue rescuing hospital patients that have been dumped in the ghetto because they can’t pay their medical bills.
Screenplay title: The Crucifixion ofHerald
Writer’s Name: David Santo
Email: davidsanto@hotmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1594399
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Genre: Historical Action
Logline: The untold true story of how one man’s lifelong mission from God compels him to sacrifice everything to destroy slavery in America, becoming both a murderer and a martyr and igniting the Civil War.
Screenplay title: John Brown’s War
Written by: Jess Peláez
Email: volcanojess@gmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1617905
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Genre: Comedy
Logline: An inventor strives to pop the world like popcorn, to save his home from being stolen by the government, if his dance-clubbing hunchback lawyer can keep him out of jail.
Screenplay title: It’s A Popcorn World
Accolades:
Honorable mention (runners up)/Script Savvy
Winner/Contest of Contest Winners, for the feature JENNA’S GONE
Winner/‘best in show’ screenplay at Trindiefest, for the feature PAPER TRAIL
Written by: Russ Meyer
Email: tortoise@att.net
WGA Registration Number: 149096
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Genre: Comedy
Logline: A young slacker quits Homeland Security to marry into money and gets a disturbed wife, a cougar mother-in-law, and a computer terrorist.
Screenplay title: Lovers and Laptops
Written by: Glenn Derrick
Email: glenn49derrick@yahoo.com
WGA Registration Number: 1571773
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Genre: Comedy/Drama
Logline: When ESSENCE magazine runs a “Win-A-Date With Rachel Ciemone” contest, the beautiful R&B singer finds herself falling in love with the winning contestant.
Screenplay title: Win A Date With Rachel Ciemone
Logline: When ESSENCE magazine runs a “Win-A-Date With Rachel Ciemone” contest, the beautiful R&B singer finds herself falling in love with the winning contestant.
Accolades:
Finalist/UMFF, for the feature, The Good Life.
Winner/Hollywood Black Film Festival, for the feature, Six Figures.
Written by: Regina Junior
Email: rjunior@windstream.net
WGA Registration Number: 1617698
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Genre: Animated Feature
Logline: Froggy went a-courtin’—but this frog’s no prince, and the bride is already spoken for. Mouse mayor Mary Lou and her beau Sly Snake fight back when a slimy land baron threatens to wreck the little bayou town of Sugarville—and their wedding.
Screenplay title: Local Sugar
Accolades:
Semi-Finalist/Act One Script Competition
Winner/“Best of Fest – Animated Feature Screenplay” Love Unlimited Film Festival & Art Competition
Finalist/ThrillSpy, for feature A Whisker Past Midnight
Written by: Andrew Garrett
Email: animwriter@yahoo.com
WGA Registration Number: 1495238
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Genre: Drama
Logline: The mysterious disappearance of his brother leads a mining magnate on a journey of self- discovery, enlightenment and ultimately, orchestrated revenge.
Screenplay title: My Father’s Son
Written by: Anthony O’Sullivan
Email: afjos@hotmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1597255
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Genre: Science Fiction Thriller
Logline: Decades after his father’s murder in a mechanized uprising, a driven young rebel leads the offensive to take back his city and free mankind.
Screenplay title: Cities
Accolades:
Winner: Write Movies A/Exposure Competition
Written by: Jim Jackson
Email: jjackson5401@gmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1614705
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Finalists, August/September, 2012
#3linesorless || #august #september || #finalists || #loglines
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The top seven prize-winning loglines are listed in order. The rest are listed randomly.
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Genre: Comedy
Logline: Sam and Chris are rookie cops with the worst records in their precinct. When the duo lose a drunken bet to a rival pair of cops, Sam and Chris must issue twice their usual number of monthly tickets in only three days by relying on some of the city’s most outrageous and out-of-date laws.
Screenplay title: Dollars to Donuts
Written by: Benjamin Adair Murphy
Email: adairmurphy@hotmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1242778
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Genre: Action/War
Logline: The true story of Richard Bong, a rookie WWII pilot who makes a brazen bet to beat the kill record of America’s top-scoring ace. But as the deadly competition spirals out of control, he is forced to confront the bitter realities of war and what it means to be a real hero.
Screenplay title: The Ace of Aces
Accolades:
First Place/World Fest
First Place/Indie Gathering Film Festival
First Place/Guild of Italian American Actors
Written by: Geoffrey Breuder
Email: gbreuder@yahoo.com
WGA Registration Number: 1138750
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Genre: Action
Logline: When a will leaves the heirs half of California, a lone wolf San Francisco private investigator finds the heirs are being killed by the same assassin that murdered his girlfriend, and must decide whether to save the remaining heir, or abandon him to hunt down the assassin.
Screenplay title: The Tortoise And The Heir
Accolades:
Winner - best action script - The Chicago Screenwriters Network Screenwriting Contest.
Semi-finalist - Writers On The Storm Contest.
Semi-finalist - The Fade In Awards Contest.
Written by: Russ Meyer
Email: tortoise@att.net
WGA Registration Number: 1450371
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Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: In the near future, a gifted but cold microbiology student begins a dangerous journey when she creates a protein to turn on the conscience gene in psychopaths.
Screenplay title: The Johnson Cure
Written by: Glenn Derrick
Email: glenn49derrick@yahoo.com
WGA Registration Number: 1540637
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Genre: Supernatural Thriller
Logline: A young woman, dressed as a schoolgirl, baits killers and rapists to avenge their victims, only to become a suspect herself, on the run from a cop with a secret of his own.
Screenplay title: Unikorn
Written by: Mathieu saliva
Email: mathieusaliva@gmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1578662
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Genre: Thriller
Logline:A female detective with suicidal tendencies must slay her own demons to follow horrific clues that lead to torture, murder and The Catholic Church cover up in a monastic insane asylum.
Screenplay title: The Unspoken
Written by: M.E. Avila
Email: Idgie3798@yahoo.com
WGA Registration Number: 1570074
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Genre: Comedy
Logline: Chuck fears his perfect life might bore him to death, Fred fears his furniture might bludgeon him to death, who’s got it worse? “The Inanimates” is a comedy about perception, reality, and the proper way to interrogate a footstool.
Screenplay title: The Inanimates
Written by: Steven Guggenheimer
Email: stevenguggenheimer@gmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1603187
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Genre: Action/Comedy
Logline: The chase is on when a former stuntman turn mover unknowingly has money belonging to the mob and a alien artifact pursued by the military.
Screenplay title: The Mover
Written by: Michael Quintero
Email: jfklhr@rcn.com
WGA Registration Number: 231509
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Genre: Comedy
Logline: A dark comedy about the perils of having either too much or too little faith, “Rubrics” follows a deeply religious Catholic woman whose world is turned sideways when her son’s new high school principal becomes enamored by her unique ability to stomach him.
Screenplay title: Rubrics
Written by: Steven Guggenheimer
Email: stevenguggenheimer@gmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1607712
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Genre: Sci-Fi/Adventure
Logline: In the near future a young woman named Evelyn works for a National Committee that forces radical parental exams on couples. After seeing the sinister nature of the committee she aids rebels in sabotaging the committee for good.
Screenplay title: Populous
Accolades:
Quarter-Finalist/Scriptapalooza
Top 100/Emerging Screenwriters
Written by: Michael Quintero
Email: jfklhr@rcn.com
WGA Registration Number: R15564
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Genre: Comedy
Logline: At the peak of it’s popularity, wanton alcoholic Eddie Valentine was America Online’s most notorious e-mail spammer. But when Eddie befriends a seven-year old boy, a series of comedic failures forces him to reevaluate his own life. Based on a true story.
Screenplay title: The Two Sides of Monsieur Valentine
Accolades:
Winner/Haag International Screenplay Competition
Finalist/Waterfront Film Festival
Second Rounder/Austin Film Festival (for These Freakin’ Robots)
Written by: Suneil Singh
Email: suneil.singh1979@gmail.com
WGA Registration Number:: 1609278
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Genre: Supernatural Thriller
Logline: A planned hot tub party at an abandoned house by four married former buddies turns into a psychological nightmare when one of then is found murdered.
Screenplay title: The Harte Home
Accolades:
Best Fantasy/GIAA Film Fest 2010
Buddy-Action-Finalist/ScripVamp 2010
Fantasy-Action-Finalist/The Writer’s Store 2012
Written by: Michael Pallotta
Email: pallotta_m@yahoo.ca
WGA Registration Number: WGC#: S11-03987 (Canada)
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Genre: Sci-Fi
Logline: After a microbiologist shares her conscience gene formula with scientists in other countries, she discovers a gene bank that contains the DNA codes of American senators and representatives.
Screenplay title: The Johnson Cure Part 2: Exposure
Written by: Glenn Derrick
Email: glenn49derrick@yahoo.com
WGA Registration Number: 1609450
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Genre: Coming of Age/Memoir
Logline: In 1980, a small farm girl moves to Chicago to jump start her career in animation. After two years studying and working in the city she becomes entrapped by the media and the FBI for having befriended a certain couple with a link to the Tylenol murders. She ultimately finds solace in her true friends and family.
Screenplay title: A Country Mouse
Written by: Wanda L. Brown
Email: Artist@theComputer.com
WGA Registration Number: 1601430
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Genre: Horror
Logline:A scorned woman is chained to the inside of her house and haunted by an evil entity from another realm that is determined to kill her then destroy all of humanity.
Screenplay title: Angry Slut on a Chain
Writer’s Name: David Santo
Email: davidsanto@hotmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1551608
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Genre: Sci-fi/Comedy
Logline: After amassive robot invasion decimates humanity, a bumbling manchild must channel his reckless antics to dodge death, outwit killer machines, and win back the love of his life.
Screenplay title: These Freakin’ Robots
Accolades:
Finalist/Omaha Film Festival
Finalist/Gimmie Credit International Screenplay Competition
Finalist/L.A. Comedy Festival
Written by: Suneil Singh
Email: suneil.singh1979@gmail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1479967
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Genre: Drama/Comedy
Logline: A drugged out, self-proclaimed private investigator is mistaken for a double agent when he inadvertently snaps a Polaroid of a drug lord. Trance State Nation is a druggy, neo-noir comedy combining a Fight club and Fear and Loathing style unreliable narrator with a film-noir, hard-boiled narrator.
Screenplay title: Trance State Nation
Written by: Christian Chalklen
Email: chrischalklen@googlemail.com
WGA Registration Number: 1604265
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Over the past two months, our finalists received 14 requests from development execs to read their screenplays, after discovering them via our logline contest!
Submit your logline now to get in on the action:
#Screenwriting #Business
Debunking Screenwriting Myths, Part 7: Requesting Feedback
by Geno Scala
Recently, I submitted one of my scripts to a blogger offering his free “ten-page review”… or so I thought. Apparently, I misunderstood the premise of his tweet and blog, and later learned that my submission was open to ALL of the blog followers to comment and critique. One of his more professional followers was chosen to “officially” review the script, which was apparently a new process coincidentally beginning with my first script submission.
After several days, I checked back with the blog with enthusiastic anticipation of reading a number of thoughtful, positive comments and, hopefully, some important, insightful suggestions offered up by writers with seemingly a wide range of professional screenwriting experience.
How wrong I was.
What I received as “feedback” was snarky, irrelevant and hate-filled responses, either borne out of envy or vitriol from possibly a long-past run-in. Hard to say, since all of the commenters were anonymous. While feedback of this nature is not helpful, it did drive home a very important point, one that I had forgotten in my expectation of adulation. After all, this screenplay had won several contests, and is continuing to fare well in several others. The screenplay is generating a lot of interest from producers and managers, and has been requested and reviewed by many of the top mid-level production companies out there, receiving tremendous accolades.
I hadn’t followed my first rule of feedbacks: be clear about what you expect. Usually, when asking for any writing feedbacks, I rely almost entirely on my “cheers”, “peers” and “rocketeers”. In this case, I went outside that sphere of influence; my own “circle of trust”.
This refers to the three groups of emotional and screenwriting support network you should have in place. Your “cheers” are friends and family and those not in the business of screenwriting, who generally will support (and donate to) just about anything you do. They are important for your spiritual well-being and self-esteem, but generally not as helpful to your overall writing goals.
The next group is your “peers”. These, generally, are fellow scribes who have somewhat the same level of writing experience as you. You might find them in writing groups, networking forums, chat rooms, or related alumni groups.
Your “rocketeers” are those handfuls of professionals who can take your writing — and your career — to the next level. This group may consist of professional script readers, producers, agents, managers, optioned or produced screenwriters, and/or screenwriting “gurus”.
When posting this screenplay to an unfamiliar blog, I failed to make my own expectations clear; to myself or to others. I hadn’t researched the purpose of the site, or the quality of the reviewers prior to diving into this literary shark tank with my eyes closed.
With any anonymous review, you are opening yourself up to comments and suggestions from anyone, regardless of their accomplishments or lack thereof. For all I know, the reviews could have come from a bunch of stoned high school kids cutting class that day (they certainly read as such, and made even less sense). Some of the comments ranged from “I don’t like the genre, and will never like a script like this”, to “Oh, no! I’ve read one with a similar opening last month!” neither one refreshingly insightful to the script being reviewed. Of the few “corrective suggestion(s)” the script did received included one that was based on the incorrect assertion that a particular formatting style is no longer “in vogue” (despite Dave Trottier’s assertion to the contrary). One reviewer felt that he/she didn’t like it because they “couldn’t see how it (the plot) could be pulled off.” Mind you, they’ve read only the first ten pages or so.
The result was a swift kick to my own butt, by me, reminding never to set myself up for failure so carelessly again in the future. I have certainly developed a thick-skin about my writing long before this posting every saw the light of day. You should ask for and receive any and all feedback; just make sure you know from whom it’s coming and what their personal motivations might be, if any.
When I provide feedback, it is for the purpose of helping the writer improve their writing or their overall project. I provide examples of what I’m talking about, and if they expect corrected examples, I provide those as well. If it’s formatting-related, I realize it may be about preferences or style, and advise the writer what technique or style I prefer, so as not to cloud my own judgment. I also try the “sandwich technique” to critiquing: a negative comment sandwiched between two positive comments.
It makes the criticism a bit easier to swallow that way.
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Geno Scala has been writing for over twenty years, and was one of the Executive Directors for the 1999-2000 Academy Awards presentation. He is an optioned screenwriter with nine screenplays to his credit, and is an alumnus of ScreenwritingU. He maintains a business in Hollywood, and resides in beautiful Huntsville, Alabama with his rocket-scientist wife, a daughter in grad school, another daughter in college in CA, and two teen-aged sons.
Catch up with Geno || twitter: @Sharkeatingman & @thescriptmentor || facebook: Shark-Eating Man Productions & The Script Mentor
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